It's been 2 weeks....or it could be 3...I'm not even sure myself.

Any ways,I'm sorry to all my regular readers (if I even have any) //think positive. I've been really busy with life and school and future.

It's kind of hard to balance my hobby which is Blogging when I have so many weights pulling me down over and over. Life is a real pain. Firstly,I have my SPM ( O-levels ) which is a struggle because "it determines my whole future"....so yeah....it's kind of bad if I were to flunk the whole thing.

School....same reasons...SPM // Not to mention that senior year is going to be over,and I'm only starting to make use of it NOW . Why start now? It's kinda late. Well I guess I wasn't really confident with talking to other human beings...so I was kind of a loner. But every since I literally started Blogging and ll my friends frequently read it (I guess) and since I'm part of the "wanna-become-a-singer" group in the class....I have become more confident.

My current plans are to practice my vocals...then during the holidays I'll start learning an instrument...which is the keyboard that I have inside the box...collecting dust somewhere in my house. I don't want to get over myself....but I really wanna see myself win a Grammy some day.I'm sure we'd all love that,won't we?

Before I continue...Selamat Hari Merdeka to all Malaysians. I know it's tomorrow but I won't be Blogging tomorrow so might as well say it now. Not a fan of National Day....but I'm still proud to be Malaysian. Perhaps all this negativity on National Day comes from school,when my principal gathers everyone in the hall and starts talking things that I don't even understand. I'm totally not interested !

Any way,it's my exam week....and I guess a "lot" of pressure is building up. I'm totally not confident no matter how many times I try to tell myself to at least get 5A's.....which isn't including the Science subjects ( excluding Physics...I love Physics ) - still can't remember the 3 Laws Of Newton // genius !

PROM NIGHT !

I managed to get sponsors for some stuff for my prom by talking to my great-aunt....so that went well. I don't think I'm bringing anyone with me...probably I'll bring one of my bros....which means I'll be gay for the night. But either way,I just hope that prom night would be worth my time and money...fingers crossed ( there's no DJ ) so I'm gonna come up with my own music.

I had a huge row with my mum 2 weeks back when my god-brother (Justin) returned from Jakarta because my god-mother needed to get some letters or something. It was a Saturday morning,it was raining heavily. And there I was,at taekwondo training at this small alley at the back of my school. The rain made me sleepy,and to practise in such a small space,made me even more cranky.

My friend asked me if she could use my bag to store her hand phone and a book while the training is running,so I agreed. My mum showed up and took my bag,stating that it was "dangerous" to leave my bag there (I had my laptop in the bag), so I told her that she cant take my bag away. She told me not to be arrogant and other shit.....which made me real pissed. My friends cheered me up later.

So my mum fetched me home,I had a shower and off I went to meet Justin. My mum was talking how she "had to work like shit when she was my age to help her parents" and some other stuff. She's always pulling my leg,so not everything can be trusted,unless I talk to my grandma,who doesn't understand English.

It was a really big argument.....she calling me "stupid,useless,ungrateful,idiotic" so I told her straight to her face "Yeah,I'm a bitch..unlike you,Ms Perfect" . My mum told me not to use swear words or I've had it...but more rage came out " SHUT THE FUCK UP....YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME" - now get this,only a troubled child living in a shit house family has the rights to use these words....don't ever swear to your parents. It's not right :)

Apparently my mum then told my kaima (god-mother) (Justins' mum) about what happened and I had a small counselling session on the street in front of a restaurant in the middle of nowhere that night...where my kaima had me all to herself.

She told me that my mum is "like that" and I should "bear with it" - which is what my dad always say. Well,this shit is easier said than done. You try placing yourself in my situation...see if you can last a full day. And she (kaima) told me about my history....like...my whole past. I didn't expect it,and I wasn't ready to hear it. It was very heartbreaking.....very !! FML like....really

As much as awesome my life is now...having pretty much all I want,I can't help but to live in the past...where all my troubles were. I'm not a person who forgives and forgets...which goes to my uncle that I love-to-hate so much. He kind of screwed up my whole childhood and my grandma expects me to be grateful to the things he's done for me. Whatever.....

I mostly look at the dark side of people,probably because that's where I've been living at my whole life....the darkness. Sure I believe in God and I go to church....but I still live in darkness. It's not fear that is in me,it's fury....and it's not gonna stop growing. I'm like a time bomb,and one day,I'll blow up.

That pretty much sums up my 3 weeks of being idle from Blogger,which I'm truly sorry. Life is a roller coaster ride,and I don't have seatbelts on.