So I've been busy lately , living a life where I am feeling more insecure than I used to be. Severe depression , as my mum called it while we were talking on the phone last night , and she's not entirely wrong about that. 

Life could be a roller coaster , or it could be a really bad highway full of traffic lights , stop signs and cops pulling you over every now and then for identification and possibly to check if you're DUI . The point is that things don't go smoothly all the time , and sometimes it never does. You either endure it all by yourself , seek help from everyone you know , or just end your life . Those are the only three options , and I've attempted the third one , while I'm currently fighting on enduring the first. 

What about the second ? Well , here's the little fairytale about the second option. I've learned to cope on my own , at least for a starting point. Seeking help from my family members for the small delusions and nightmares my existential mind goes through day by day would be pointless , as they're too feeble minded to understand my thoughts. Believe me , I've tried talking to them about it once and they really just couldn't be bothered . See how retarded a family can be ?

We're growing up really fast . At least I am though. There are some days where I'd just imagine being able to travel back through time to those times where I was a naive little boy that expected life to be a smooth sailing ride . Oh how wrong I was back then.

I'm currently jugging on the facts where I would give it all up to start over , somewhere far away where I could live my dreams . Because at the end of the day , regardless of the prospect , I will make it in life . I'm not the type to only have such small dreams to work in a company , being behind a desk for my whole entire life . I believe that the amount of shit I've been through my whole life , although means absolutely nothing to me , could be a guide for someone else. I'm willing to bet that there are people who are fighting a fight way worse than mine and suffering in silence that I don't know about , and I want to help those people.

I don't hate people in particular. I just hate this family . Family gatherings are the worst , as there's literally nothing to talk about , and no one to talk to. Considering that I now have a valid driving license  and keys to a car , I can escape all the harshness of this pathetic system where it's almost compulsory to attend all these lame events . I'm not close to my cousins , and they're mostly all overseas , and everyone else is just plain too old for me to even try to start a conversation with. In the end , the only thing I hear uttered from their mouths would be " I love your hair Greg , is it natural or did you perm it ? " It's natural , it's always been natural . Please get it into your brain and stop asking me the same thing every bloody time we meet up.

At the end of the day , I'm just a teenager with a few billion issues , and it could either haunt me or haunt the people around me. I'd rather explode by myself , than even considering that someone would even bother to understand me. I've tried , didn't go too well. Great job family , you fucked up.