Where do I begin?

Celebrities are the ones with legions of fans, money, power, and everything else in the world. But of course, with all those perks, comes disadvantages too. Besides having the paparazzi trailing you everywhere, to security problems, and so much more - lies a more serious matter that unfortunately, doesn't get addressed out as often as the others.

That matter, is depression.

It's taken the lives of many people, both celebrities and normal people alike. Unless you're living under a rock, or don't actually use the Internet much (pretty much the same thing in this day and age, really) - you're aware that Chester Bennington, has passed away of apparent suicide.

Chester was the lead singer of the rock band, Linkin Park, which dominated the early parts of 2000 (and still do), having millions of fans that are truly dedicated towards their work, and for good reason. If listened to properly, their music isn't just ordinary songs that you tend to hear on the radio today. You know, like the garbage that The Chainsmokers releases....

We've all had our dark moments in life, and Linkin Park actually did help me throughout those hard times, and I'm forever grateful and thankful for them. 

I got news of Chester's passing once I reached my workplace, and weirdly coincidental enough, was jamming to 'Heavy' on the car radio as I drove to the office today. Listening to their songs again once being aware of Chester's passing gives the listener a deeper understanding of the songs that were released, because they have an extremely deep meaning towards them (that actually makes more sense and hits deep right now). Here are some examples:

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some, reasons to be missed

Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest.

Leave Out All The Rest.

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I don't like my mind right now, stacking up problems that are so unnecessary

Wish that I could slow things down

I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic

And I drive myself crazy, thinking everything's about me

Yeah I drive myself crazy, 'cause I can't escape the gravity

I'm holding on,

Why is everything so Heavy?

Holding on, to so much more than I can carry

I keep dragging around what's bringing me down

If I just let go, I'll be set free

Holding on, why is everything so Heavy?

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Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope, but failure's all you've known

Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go. Let it go

Iridescent

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I'd just like to highlight more on 'Heavy' , the song that Linkin Park released a few months back. It was a cry for help, but people didn't understand the meaning of the lyrics back then, until right now - which is too late.

Thank you Chester, for everything that you've done, for all the songs that you made, and for all the lives that you touched and saved, including mine. Of course, this Blog post will be lost in the quantum of space and time itself, but I'll still extend my deepest condolences to his family, friends, fans, and the Linkin Park band itself.

Celebrity deaths don't affect me much because they are someone that I only know through media, but Chester - you were different. It was honestly really hard for me to process all these, and I was really expecting all these to be a hoax and not reality - but I had to face the harsh truth. You will be missed, and your legacy will always live on - through your music, and through the millions of people that you touched and saved with that music. Thank you.

Thank you.

I'll just save all the information and head straight to the point. Food. Yes, I am picky on my food, and there are a ton of stuff that I absolutely dislike, and some that I cannot eat, or it'll cause me to puke, which isn't pretty anytime. It's not a new and fresh topic to the people that I live with for the time being to understand that I dislike dinner. Number one, company. Number two, the dishes. It's the same , boring dish ~ every single week. The only changes we ever get is when a dish is put on hold for a really long time, and that dish becomes a 'once-in-a-month' type of delicacy. Other than that, nothing's different. Giving me a complimentary egg doesn't do anybody any good, even if it were to mean as a 'substitute' for some meat dish.

It's rather simple. The dishes get better when those two aren't here, as the dishes become spicy, there's added ingredients, and a whole lot more, and it's fun ~ don't you agree? If the maid follows a cookbook as most of the people sitting on the table claim, then there should be hundreds of different dishes to try. What's so difficult about that? The big shit in the house said that she's currently learning how to cook new stuff, but so far it's more or less just getting turned down and criticized by... the dipshit of the house. Feel free to figure out who I'm talking about. Here's a hint, he likes tennis.

It's coming to an end , another great year , another storybook to be closed. Then there's the typical "New Years Resolution and 1/365" thing that will definitely pop up on all social media , not that I'm complaining or anything ~ I do spam the same stuff on my Facebook, and Twitter if I even bother to check it.

This year marked one year since I joined university , and it's been tremendously entertaining and somewhat joyful. Of course, the assignments that were given to me over the course of the four semesters (I believe) have been extremely hard and stressful. But here I am, surviving ~ not fully because I did drop a few subjects to make it through, and retook some as well.

Plenty of students arrived this year , and it certainly was fun to announce "I'm your senior" to a lot of them, because heck ~ I'll annoy everyone as much as I can, while I can. I'll be doing my degree course locally anyways, so I'll be around. All the newcomers were really friendly, which is a great start, then there's the getting to know each other part, which was somewhat tough, but with patience, and some Instagram stalking, I figured out everyone's names.

Prom. That one night in your life when everyone's dressed to the nines and then there's me, trying to not get choked by my necktie. Never again, shall I be wearing any form of ties, no matter how good I (might) look wearing them. Throwback to 2014, when prom was actually a thing that was being organized, but us Form 5's did not have the proper fundings to actually hold a prom in a fancy ballroom, so the idea was scraped. I was going to be attending the function without a partner anyways.

But hey, university's different - and I went with a boy date and a girl date, because why not. It was supposed to be a double date kind of thing, but my poor mate got rejected by the girl he tried to ask to prom, so he latched on to me for the rest of the night. No complains though, he's a good wingman. Maybe even the best. Too far, too far. Ted is the best wingman.


My laptop broke down this year, which meant goodbye to my main laptop , which was my (old) Lenovo. Laptop's aren't cheap, and since I just purchased a MacBook for college work , and possibly for literal work in the future ~ since that's all an Apple laptop is capable of, my chances of getting my main laptop replaced was slim. As much as it's cool to own an Apple laptop, that thing doesn't allow me to play video games (probably for the best) , and it's hard to navigate my way around the interface and what not ~ I'm still struggling till this day.

But my dad agreed to purchase a new Windows operated laptop for me, and I got my hands on not just a brand new Windows laptop, but a gaming series laptop - MSI. It's an amazing addition to my tech "collection" of some sort , and of course ~ the laptop can do way more things than my former Lenovo could, so I'm really grateful for that.

My phone's carrier contract was to expire this year , and I was allowed to either stick to the current phone (Samsung Galaxy Note 4) , or upgrade to the latest generation. My phone was acting out as the contract deadline was approaching, so it was quite logical to get a new phone along with a contract extension for my phone carrier. I was planning on just stepping up the tech tree to the Note 7 , but we all know what happened with that phone.

The next big thing was the iPhone 7 and 7 Plus, which was extremely cool but very controversial , with the removal of the headphone jack as to cater for a "wireless future" as Apple quotes. The AirPods is honestly a joke, but at least there are lightning earphones and the small lightning to headphone jack extension that comes along in the box when you purchase the phone. I did a lot of research, contemplating and brain storming till I just decided to step up from Android to Apple. I've not regretted the choice, as the phone is absolutely amazing.

My grandma offered to pay off the bill for the phone as my Christmas present, so it's safe to say that I've had a crazy Christmas this year. The color was one thing that I had trouble deciding on, but I went ahead with the Matte Black , 256 GB iPhone 7 Plus ~ as most people did too. The Jet Black version looks amazing , but it's a fingerprint and scratch magnet, so no thank you.

So in short, both my laptop and phone died in the same year, and I managed to get a huge upgrade in terms of tech and basically the specifications of both the laptop and phone individually. I'm grateful for all the things I've gotten thus far, I'm done with complaining.

• Laptop specs

There are 7 billion people on the planet as of right now. Millions of races, religions, ethics, personalities, backgrounds, beliefs, and the list goes on. The phrase "there are many fish in the sea" means that if you fail being in your relationship, there's always a second try, and a third try, and a fourth try.....until you find the one and finally decide to marry one another in man and wife, man and man or wife and wife. I'm not one to judge, and I fully support the LGBT community.

I was brought up in a strict childhood, having almost no freedom whatsoever, and I couldn't even just watch a movie with my friends. Of course, times have changed and I do have my share of freedom now. I've been an introvert my entire life, and although it may seem like a bad thing to be to some, it really isn't all negatives, as there are positives to that end as well.

I didn't bond well with everyone, and I was very selective of whom I made friends with. I still do, but I've widen my spectrum to allow more people into my life, because at the end of the day - we as humans can't really live in pure isolation. My first years were spent with two people, Justin and Chelsea. We practically did everything together, then I entered primary school. I was somehow very sociable with girls when I was really young, so I often hanged with the girl group, chatting about Barbie and whatnot. 

Eventually I made friends with boys, and gained lots of friends - some of whom I still keep in touch until today. They've been there for me in times of need, when I was down and when I was happy. They supported me to Hell and back, and I'm eternally grateful for these few individuals.

High school dawned on me, and it was the time to try and fit in with the cool kids, to gain fame and attract as much attention as possible, let it be by bullying the kids who were younger than you, or just looking good naturally, and the girls would come flocking your way. I had neither of those things, as I was still being completely reserved. The time came when I reached my adolescence period, where I started to gain feelings for girls - and attempting to contain those feelings.

Of course, words slipped out, people were blushing/ laughing and whatnot, but it didn't really bother me too much. Talking to girls was the hardest thing that I had to do in high school, as they were always freaky, bossy, and generally very hard to understand. I wasn't good looking anyways so I was ignored for the most part, which saved me the trouble to muster up the courage just to be two feet in front of her face just to say hello.

This habit continued until form 3, when I started to gain feelings yet again - for this girl in my tuition center. I've known her from church, and I had a clear picture of her likes and dislikes - as she comes from a really strong Christian family. It took a while, and a lot of self convincing - but I approached her and started talking. We exchanged phone numbers and everything in my body went into hyper drive. 

Her phone number alone was almost as if I was carrying nuclear launch codes, and whatever I chose to do with this piece of information, could and might change a lot of things in the future. I ended up calling her, and she was really nice. The issue was me confronting her face-to-face, just to tell her how I felt about her, as it felt like my courage fell into a haystack, and the needle was my guts. I resulted to one of the most embarrassing and awkward ways to confess to someone, by writing a letter. But here's the fun part, I didn't deliver the letter to her - I got a friend of mine to do the bidding for me.

The following day, I met up with my friend from school and he told me how she hated the letter and found me revolting. That's really the easiest way to shatter someone's heart in a matter of seconds flat. Once I arrived home, I gave her a call to ask her about the letter, and she said that she really liked it and found it extremely cute. I ended up assaulting my friend the following day when I bumped into him during recess. She and I ended up chatting very regularly, and was very close to going out on a date. However, our parents restricted us from ever going out to enjoy ourselves as that was the year when we had a major exam on our hands to get through. She passed it with flying colors while I was just short of two A's to a perfect record.

Long distance relationships didn't work then, so we ended our relationship just three months after getting together. To this day, I still deny that the relationship even happened, as the two of us were equally awkward in handling the relationship, not knowing how to commit to each other in a minor way. So in other terms, I've never been in a relationship - until now.

Fast forward four years later, and I'm in college - on my third semester and the brand new batch of students have just enrolled themselves in. Everything that happened from then onwards was a one in a billion. There came this girl, introducing herself to me and stating that she liked playing video games just as much as I did, although our interests in what genre of games differed in a big way. She prefers the simple type of games, where everything is all cute and chubby - such as Maple Story. I on the other hand prefer a more competitive type of game that's filled with action, such as Counter Strike. We still clicked due to our similarities in our taste in music, and we both love singing. 

She plays the piano, I'm still procrastinating on learning an instrument. I've bought a keyboard and a classical guitar in the past two years, and I've made no progress whatsoever in playing either one of the instruments. Of course, that goes into next year's resolution, which I often never fulfill. Slowly, I started gaining feelings for her - but it felt more of a crush than being a very serious issue that the two of us were to agree on. So I kept this thing as just being friends, which lead to us becoming close friends.

Everything seemed okay, until she got admitted to the hospital about two months back for dengue. Usually, dengue patients would be discharged within a week of being hospitalized, but her condition worsened and she stayed in the hospital for a month. I went to visit her, and my heart sank when I saw her condition. I squatted down, just trying to keep myself from breaking down at the sight of how serious her condition was - and I knew then that this wasn't just a friendship thing, I liked her.

She got discharged, and we continued talking everyday. Then I decided to just give into my feelings and let her know how I felt. It was very hard to do over the phone, and it became extremely awkward for the both of us. She didn't really believe me , so the subject changed instantly to something else, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I just confessed for the very first time without requiring the help of a friend.

Days went by, and weeks, then I paid her a visit. I had lunch with her and watched a movie together. At that moment, my feelings were all over the place, whether or not it would be awkward to just find some quiet time and talk to her (there were three other friends present) about what happened in the past few weeks. We kept talking by messaging each other constantly, which lead to our first outing to the movies. 

Every thought and worry that was in my mind faded away the moment she got into my car, and we conversed like normal friends. I've never been this comfortable talking to a girl, ever - and I really enjoyed our talk on our way to the mall. We had lunch together and went grocery shopping and all. I figured that this is actually a date, between me and her - but I was extremely awkward while she just went along with my awkwardness. After the movie, I drove her back home, and although the outing was extremely awkward for the both of us, we really enjoyed ourselves.

We had a few chats - and we went from being friends to boyfriend and girlfriend. It is silly to start dating during college, as your studies does really matter over everything else, but I couldn't stand the fact that if I never told her how I felt about her, that someone else would take her instead, and I would suffer in silence knowing that I never even tried. 

Yes, there are a lot of risks doing this - but I'd rather be an idiot for taking the risk than to be the coward who didn't take it at all. This is my first official relationship, and I intend on making it last for as long as I can. I've never done anything like this before, so I have a lot to learn, and she's helping me through this whole thing together. 

As for you, the reader - you might find this whole Blog post so far to be very mushy and totally confidential, where it should be between myself and her. This is a really special moment for me, so I prefer to type it down in a space where I can reflect on this post in the future, and also this serves as an update so my website isn't deemed inactive.

I've spent a lot of nights talking to her, and I love every moment of it. Hearing her voice, her chuckle, the awkward flirting that tends to go on and us just asking questions to get to understand each other a little better. This has certainly been a good year for me, in many ways - but this is definitely the highlight of the whole thing. I have a lot of flaws, but I'm willing to change if it were to make her happy, because her smile is beautiful.

I guess this is what they call love drunk.