Hey guys,

The year of 2014 is coming to an end pretty quick. Want proof? Christmas is in 6 weeks, that's how fast the time is going by. Looking back on this year, it's gonna be a very hard one but also one of the greatest years ever.

As much as I hate high school, constantly complaining on how life revolves around 11 years of pure torture by demons we call "teachers" and a hell chamber we call "school" . But although I've went through all 11 stages of it, it's quite hard to let go.

Although I don't have any GREAT memories to actually keep dearly to me, but the friendship bonds that I've made with so many people and all the times they and I goofed around school grounds, it certainly will be a memory that's the sweetest of honey.

True, I gained enemies, and a lot of haters as well. But since all of them are no longer in the same school as I am currently, it doesn't matter anymore. This certainly is a very hard time to actually go through, not to mention that I only have 5 more days to see all my school mates, ever !

I will be forging my future right after my exams, where I'll attempt to record some cover songs that I've set on my laptop, so hopefully I can live my dream of becoming a musician, which I'm sure, everyone wants to become one. I'm not saying that I'm better or have a higher chance of becoming a successful musician, because I can't even play any instrument for nuts, which is kinda one of the main things to survive in the music industry. Unless you're Adam Levine or something like that.

I don't intend of going into music and make random songs that don't make any sense. I want to change the world with my lyrics, which are soul touching and peace bringing. As much as I like to linger around the dark side of life, having constant thoughts of getting rid of specific people from my life completely, I do wanna change the world for good.

I guess I like aiming very high, right above the borderline of total success for someone. The best thing in life is when people appreciate your effort to make people happy when you're alive,and be remembered even after death. Although oblivion is inevitable, but being remembered by someone will be the sweetest thing ever, even though it would be the love of my life, I totally don't mind. It can be a complete Fault In Our Star script.

To my classmates, I'm not sure what road you're all going to take and pursue, but may all your dreams come true. Life is an adventure, every second has to be put to good use, unlike me who spends his time being on Facebook every single day. 

Nothing lasts in the world. Everything and everyone comes and goes. And that pain is unbearable. For myself, it would be my grandma ( dad's side ) . She can be long winded most of the time and bugs me a lot, but I know that she loves me. Somehow I keep telling myself to spend more time with her but I end up playing with my gadgets, laptop and smartphone.

She's really old , so she has a lot of life experiences that she shares with me. But the fact that she keeps on bringing up the topic that she could go at anytime is what fears me. There are few things that I can't afford to lose, and losing my grandma would be hard.

I remember a few years back when my grandfather passed away, then to my mum's brother , and many other people in the family, it's only a matter of time until I'm all alone by myself, and all the people that are around me will be no more, and an existential crisis hit me and I started bailing my eyes out, on how life is unfair and that we all have a timer which when it hits 0 , we will no longer be human.

No one is really dead, they're just not in a physical form anymore, but it still hurts. No one can take the pain of losing someone dear to them. Even me. I pray that my grandma has a very long time more.

Don't you just tend to stop and think about the whole purpose of human existence? I find it quite pointless on how we have to go through a lot of suffering in life, then a brief moment of peace and joy and we're gone. 

If you were to Wiki up the meaning of life, a lot of Greek philosophy and nonsense will come out. But for me, I believe that life is a battle. A battle that we can't win. Apparently I picture life after death as the weak ones get thrown into the pit of fire and brimstone while the strong joins God's side in an everlasting battle against the Devil. 

Do good in life and you shall become a warrior by God's side against the Devil. 

How awesome does that sound ?

Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away - is a quote that I live by, which I want to explore the world, learn different cultures and carve unforgettable memories everywhere I go. And I'm hoping for my music to take me there.

I've been put down a lot. All this talk about how I have to pass my SPM to get into college, get a stinking degree and progress on whatever I choose to pursue. My dad hasn't been there for me and here he's trying to give me life lessons like he knows it all, which I'm not entirely listening to him. My mum wants me to become what she wants me to become, which is an oil and gas engineer of some sort, which masters in Chemistry , which happens to be my most hated subject, alongside History which is already over for me.

But to hell with them , I'll choose what I want to do with my life. 

I've never learnt to trust anyone , because the more you trust, the deeper the wounds when they don't do as you intended. I've trusted my dad to come back a LONG time ago, but he came back last year, right when I decided to give up on him, and he expected me to be all happy and such. Nah, I couldn't take it, and I caused my mum to suffer my rage for a whole year.

The one who could save me was my dad , literally. My mum did a lot of nasty stuff to me when I was young, which I'm just gonna repeat it again if I were to type it down here. But I drowned. Drowned into the brink of madness. My life was back and forth, like the waves pushing me to shore and back, while I'm struggling for dear life to reach shore. 

As I grew up, my suffering become deeper as I learnt a few things about my pass. My mum tried to hide it from me, my dad only revealed a little bit to me, but my godmother revealed everything. It hit me hard, very hard. It's not easy being an adopted child into a broken family, you get hurt, and you hurt people in return.

At first it didn't strike me much that my mum and dad weren't really my mum and dad, because I had it coming as I look nothing like them. I was mistaken as a Malay a couple of times, which I just took it because I couldn't hide it anyhow. There was once where some bastard said that I was an Indian, and I felt like punching him in the face and shoving his balls down his throat because he's that blind ! He also mentioned that I looked like a Bangladesh guy.....wow.

But to heck with my looks, what struck me was when my mums friend, Sister Martha , approached me when we were in church and discussed with me about my family problems. She said that my biological mum didn't love and give a damn about me, so she just gave me away. That was the time when everything changed. A grenade blew up in me and I went on a rampage.

Rebellion is what they call it, I screamed, shouted, slammed doors and threw things everywhere. Those words hurt me so much that I even had a fist fight with my mum, and when I'm mad, I do things. I attempted to murder someone with a pocket knife once, but he's all good and we're good friends now.

I'm not entirely sure where this Blog post is going, which is kinda awkward. But to conclude it all, it's gonna be a sad year for me, as I progress onto a new phase in life and blah blah blah, you get the point.