There are 7 billion people on the planet as of right now. Millions of races, religions, ethics, personalities, backgrounds, beliefs, and the list goes on. The phrase "there are many fish in the sea" means that if you fail being in your relationship, there's always a second try, and a third try, and a fourth try.....until you find the one and finally decide to marry one another in man and wife, man and man or wife and wife. I'm not one to judge, and I fully support the LGBT community.
I was brought up in a strict childhood, having almost no freedom whatsoever, and I couldn't even just watch a movie with my friends. Of course, times have changed and I do have my share of freedom now. I've been an introvert my entire life, and although it may seem like a bad thing to be to some, it really isn't all negatives, as there are positives to that end as well.
I didn't bond well with everyone, and I was very selective of whom I made friends with. I still do, but I've widen my spectrum to allow more people into my life, because at the end of the day - we as humans can't really live in pure isolation. My first years were spent with two people, Justin and Chelsea. We practically did everything together, then I entered primary school. I was somehow very sociable with girls when I was really young, so I often hanged with the girl group, chatting about Barbie and whatnot.
Eventually I made friends with boys, and gained lots of friends - some of whom I still keep in touch until today. They've been there for me in times of need, when I was down and when I was happy. They supported me to Hell and back, and I'm eternally grateful for these few individuals.
High school dawned on me, and it was the time to try and fit in with the cool kids, to gain fame and attract as much attention as possible, let it be by bullying the kids who were younger than you, or just looking good naturally, and the girls would come flocking your way. I had neither of those things, as I was still being completely reserved. The time came when I reached my adolescence period, where I started to gain feelings for girls - and attempting to contain those feelings.
Of course, words slipped out, people were blushing/ laughing and whatnot, but it didn't really bother me too much. Talking to girls was the hardest thing that I had to do in high school, as they were always freaky, bossy, and generally very hard to understand. I wasn't good looking anyways so I was ignored for the most part, which saved me the trouble to muster up the courage just to be two feet in front of her face just to say hello.
This habit continued until form 3, when I started to gain feelings yet again - for this girl in my tuition center. I've known her from church, and I had a clear picture of her likes and dislikes - as she comes from a really strong Christian family. It took a while, and a lot of self convincing - but I approached her and started talking. We exchanged phone numbers and everything in my body went into hyper drive.
Her phone number alone was almost as if I was carrying nuclear launch codes, and whatever I chose to do with this piece of information, could and might change a lot of things in the future. I ended up calling her, and she was really nice. The issue was me confronting her face-to-face, just to tell her how I felt about her, as it felt like my courage fell into a haystack, and the needle was my guts. I resulted to one of the most embarrassing and awkward ways to confess to someone, by writing a letter. But here's the fun part, I didn't deliver the letter to her - I got a friend of mine to do the bidding for me.
The following day, I met up with my friend from school and he told me how she hated the letter and found me revolting. That's really the easiest way to shatter someone's heart in a matter of seconds flat. Once I arrived home, I gave her a call to ask her about the letter, and she said that she really liked it and found it extremely cute. I ended up assaulting my friend the following day when I bumped into him during recess. She and I ended up chatting very regularly, and was very close to going out on a date. However, our parents restricted us from ever going out to enjoy ourselves as that was the year when we had a major exam on our hands to get through. She passed it with flying colors while I was just short of two A's to a perfect record.
Long distance relationships didn't work then, so we ended our relationship just three months after getting together. To this day, I still deny that the relationship even happened, as the two of us were equally awkward in handling the relationship, not knowing how to commit to each other in a minor way. So in other terms, I've never been in a relationship - until now.
Fast forward four years later, and I'm in college - on my third semester and the brand new batch of students have just enrolled themselves in. Everything that happened from then onwards was a one in a billion. There came this girl, introducing herself to me and stating that she liked playing video games just as much as I did, although our interests in what genre of games differed in a big way. She prefers the simple type of games, where everything is all cute and chubby - such as Maple Story. I on the other hand prefer a more competitive type of game that's filled with action, such as Counter Strike. We still clicked due to our similarities in our taste in music, and we both love singing.
She plays the piano, I'm still procrastinating on learning an instrument. I've bought a keyboard and a classical guitar in the past two years, and I've made no progress whatsoever in playing either one of the instruments. Of course, that goes into next year's resolution, which I often never fulfill. Slowly, I started gaining feelings for her - but it felt more of a crush than being a very serious issue that the two of us were to agree on. So I kept this thing as just being friends, which lead to us becoming close friends.
Everything seemed okay, until she got admitted to the hospital about two months back for dengue. Usually, dengue patients would be discharged within a week of being hospitalized, but her condition worsened and she stayed in the hospital for a month. I went to visit her, and my heart sank when I saw her condition. I squatted down, just trying to keep myself from breaking down at the sight of how serious her condition was - and I knew then that this wasn't just a friendship thing, I liked her.
She got discharged, and we continued talking everyday. Then I decided to just give into my feelings and let her know how I felt. It was very hard to do over the phone, and it became extremely awkward for the both of us. She didn't really believe me , so the subject changed instantly to something else, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I just confessed for the very first time without requiring the help of a friend.
Days went by, and weeks, then I paid her a visit. I had lunch with her and watched a movie together. At that moment, my feelings were all over the place, whether or not it would be awkward to just find some quiet time and talk to her (there were three other friends present) about what happened in the past few weeks. We kept talking by messaging each other constantly, which lead to our first outing to the movies.
Every thought and worry that was in my mind faded away the moment she got into my car, and we conversed like normal friends. I've never been this comfortable talking to a girl, ever - and I really enjoyed our talk on our way to the mall. We had lunch together and went grocery shopping and all. I figured that this is actually a date, between me and her - but I was extremely awkward while she just went along with my awkwardness. After the movie, I drove her back home, and although the outing was extremely awkward for the both of us, we really enjoyed ourselves.
We had a few chats - and we went from being friends to boyfriend and girlfriend. It is silly to start dating during college, as your studies does really matter over everything else, but I couldn't stand the fact that if I never told her how I felt about her, that someone else would take her instead, and I would suffer in silence knowing that I never even tried.
Yes, there are a lot of risks doing this - but I'd rather be an idiot for taking the risk than to be the coward who didn't take it at all. This is my first official relationship, and I intend on making it last for as long as I can. I've never done anything like this before, so I have a lot to learn, and she's helping me through this whole thing together.
As for you, the reader - you might find this whole Blog post so far to be very mushy and totally confidential, where it should be between myself and her. This is a really special moment for me, so I prefer to type it down in a space where I can reflect on this post in the future, and also this serves as an update so my website isn't deemed inactive.
I've spent a lot of nights talking to her, and I love every moment of it. Hearing her voice, her chuckle, the awkward flirting that tends to go on and us just asking questions to get to understand each other a little better. This has certainly been a good year for me, in many ways - but this is definitely the highlight of the whole thing. I have a lot of flaws, but I'm willing to change if it were to make her happy, because her smile is beautiful.
I guess this is what they call love drunk.
